Oh, wait, there was the time I went for my physical. The nurse knew I was there for a physical for my adoption agency. She asked lots of questions. Including this gem, "So, will the baby have military connections?" At first I was thinking insurance? I was, after all, at the doctor's office. Um, yeah our kid will be covered on our insurance. Just for clarification I asked, "What do you mean by connections?" "You know, like will he have a military father?" Um, yeah my husband is in the military. And, obviously, he will be said child's father. I'm confused. I must look it because she clears it up with this, "I just didn't know if the baby's father would be military. You know, cause of how back then there were so many of them getting those women pregnant. Is that still how it is today?"
Then there was the time in the bookstore when a woman asked us if C was our only child and hubby held up the South Korea travel book we were thumbing through and said, "Not for too much longer. We're adopting from Korea." "Oh. I heard that's really hard to do here. (and she points down. I assume she is speaking of the country we live in as opposed to Barnes n Noble.) Is it?" "We can't really speak to domestic adoption since we are adopting internationally." "Huh. So, you don't want to have any more....she racks her brain for the word...natural kids?" "Nope. We're only interested in the unnatural, sci-fi type." That was the snarky response I came up with after the fact. I think I actually said something like, "We don't know if we'll have more biological (helping her out here with her terminology) children." And then later I kicked myself for even giving her an answer because, really, it's none of her damn business.
Just like it's no one's business if we plan to have more kids. Which I get asked all. the. time. Pretty much since the time C was about 2. Anytime someone asked me if he was my only child and I replied yes. The follow-up always came, "Are you gonna have more?" At first my reaction was to think, good grief, he's only 2. And does she see him flailing on the floor and screaming?
Then later what I wanted to say but never did became, actually we already had another baby. And he died. The mean girl inside of me still wants to try this out. Because boy wouldn't that put this lady who doesn't know me one bit in her place and maybe teach her that, no, you don't need to know everything about everyone.
And now. Now when someone asks me if C is my only child I struggle with what to say. I am so thrilled about our little peanut and want to tell everyone about him. But, I am learning that when I choose to say, "Actually we are waiting to bring our son home from South Korea" instead of a simple "for now" I better be prepared for more questions. Because you know the questions are coming! And they are not all ignorant and rude. Some of them are just genuinely curious. Like the woman today who asked me, "Why South Korea?" The first thing that ran through my head was, because we like Asian babies. I wasn't sure how that would go over seeing as how she was Asian. And I was pretty sure it wouldn't be the kind of answer she was after. I did respond. But, later started thinking. I know she was just being curious...but no one ever asks a pregnant woman, "Why?" Because that would be too personal, right? It's like asking a woman, "So, why did you decide to make a baby with your husband?" We just assume they got pregnant because they wanted a child.
I realize this will never be the case, but it would be nice if people did the same for adoption. You adopt because you want a child. Simple as that. No need for more questions. I know these are just early lessons for me. Lessons in the fact that we are different. And people question different. We no longer fit into the "traditional family" box. And that is a solid guarantee for questions. Oh, the questions.
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