One week home

Yesterday marked one week since we have been home.  And what a week we've had!  First off, the flight home was just about as good as a 14 hour flight with a toddler could be...let alone a toddler who just met us three days prior.  I'm actually serious, the flight could not have gone better.  I don't even know if C would have made that trip as well when he was that age (and he's my awesome traveller!)  He was not a fan of not being allowed to run wild and free in the middle of the airport or of waiting in lines to check in and go through security.  But, after that it was very smooth sailing. 

Our gate happened to be right next to a little kids play area.  We played in there until right before boarding.  While hubby waited in the line to get on the plane I walked our little guy around in the ergo and he fell asleep before it was our turn to board.  He slept through us getting all settled on the plane and for about an hour after we were in the air.  One of his favorite ways to stay entertained was to play with all the buttons on the movie screen.  I had to pay pretty close attention to what he was punching so I could get the flight attendant light off before they realized it had been turned on. :)  He snacked on keem (dried seaweed sheets) and puffs and ate food off our plates at meal times.  He slept two more times.  When I knew he was getting tired I would put him in the ergo and walk him around in the back of the plane until he fell asleep.  Then he would sleep for about an hour after I sat back down.  Whenever we got up to change his diaper I would let him walk up and down the aisles.  He loved that.  He would hold onto my hands and lots of people would ooh and ahh over him (he's quite the cutie).  The whole time in the airport and on the plane I was waiting for him to try to go with someone else. 

That's something we knew might happen...looking for his foster mom or trying to go with another person he thought might take him back to her or just "mommy shopping" in general.  But, he never did that.  On the plane when women would talk to him, even in Korean, he would usually look back at me.  He just seemed to be comfortable with me from the get-go.  And that sense of belonging (where he knows he belongs with me) has just been growing more each day that we are together. 

That's not to say that he wasn't feeling out of sorts or doing any grieving.  He hadn't done any real crying, but since he first joined us, anytime he got tired you could tell he was processing all those feelings.  Especially on the plane when he was sleepy he would snuggle into me and want to be held, but then he would look up at me and try to scratch/hit my face.  He would also try to spit at me.  I would just stop his arm from hitting me or put my hand over his mouth and say uh-uh and shake my head.  I also know how to say the equivalent of "be nice" in Korean, so I would use that as well. 

The one time a major meltdown began and I thought, "Oh man, now is when the plane ride from hell begins" hubby whipped out some m&m's that he had stowed away for this very occasion.  Well, sweet boy does love to eat and that chocolate calmed him right down. ;)

After arriving home we had about a day and a half of settling in before the weather threw a wrench in our plans.  We got home Thursday afternoon and Friday night a huge storm came through and our power went out.  It was expected to be out for days!  We toughed it out Saturday night, trying to all sleep on air mattresses downstairs to stay cooler and to share our one battery powered fan.  That went about as well as you might think.  So, Sunday morning we threw some stuff in a suitcase and hit the road.  This was done mainly at hubby's urging (he can't handle the heat!).  Honestly I was so worried that we were going to screw things up.  I mean, going on a mini-vacay two days after bringing your newly adopted child home?!?  Add to that the fact that we ended up staying in the same hotel as my folks (who were killing time waiting for my sister to have that baby of hers) and spending quite a bit of time with them...well we basically broke every rule in the post-adoption attachment handbook. 

I told our social worker at our post placement meeting a few days ago "I know we are definitely the exception to the norm.  We're probably the story that no other adoptive family wants to hear about.  It's going that well."  And it really has been.  We (and by that I of course mean just me) read a lot while we waited to travel and I definitely knew the extent of "the worst."  And that is what we were expecting.  I told lots of people that I was expecting the worst so that if it went any better than that, I would just be pleasantly surprised.  And man, have I been surprised!  Even with living like nomads, our little guy has been adjusting well.

I think a lot of the credit for the ease of our transition goes to our lil' peanut.  He just takes everything in stride.  His foster mom told us she thought he was a very easy going baby, and I would definitely agree.  She told us he loves people and she thought he would do well in our family, particularly with C.  That has all been true. 

I think his wonderful foster mother also had a lot to do with it.  She told us that "he knows he's going to America and he's ready to join his new family."  I certainly didn't believe that!  But, I do think that there was a sense of familiarity there from the beginning.  I know she regularly looked through our pictures with him and told him about us. 

He was her 12th foster child, so I'm sure she has figured some things out that tend to make the transition smoother.  One of those is the fact that he was sleeping alone.  I know when he was younger he slept with her, but at some point she moved him to a room by himself where she would put him down with a bottle and he would go to sleep.  I think this has helped tremendously with his sleep!  Our nights surely would have been much rougher if he was used to sleeping with his foster mom.  He has been sleeping really well.  At night time I lay down next to him in my bed and give him his bottle.  He lays on his back and I pat/rub his tummy.  In the course of the week he has gone from frequently pushing my hand away to now grabbing it and putting it on his tummy.  He sleeps through the night until about 4 or 5am when he's up for the day.  Ack!  I am so not a morning person, so I am hoping that gets later eventually.  Naps are still a little tricky.  Getting up so early, he is wiped out by late morning.  So, some days he's done two little catnaps some days one longer nap.  I'm still trying to figure out what works.  He naps in his crib.  I lay him down with his bottle and sit on the floor with my arm through the bars so I can hold his tummy until he falls asleep.

Hubby and I keep telling ourselves that it's too good to be true...it is not supposed to be this easy.  That first day together he was crazy playful.  After that he was much more reserved, but every day since then he has opened up more and more.  Most of the time now, he is that crazy playful kid we met a week and a half ago.  He is very interactive and engaged with us.  He seeks me out for comfort and affection.  Like I mentioned earlier, he does seem to know he belongs with us.  He is friendly and outgoing, but he doesn't freely go to others.  We had asked my parents to "look but don't touch" ;) when we saw them.  Lil' peanut was playful but never sought them out looking for affection.  My mom would sing little songs and he would laugh and giggle and play peek-a-boo with her, but he did it all from the safety of my arms.  One funny story that happened while we were hanging out with my parents...the morning we were headed back home we stopped by their room after we ate breakfast to say goodbye.  We had brought in a little cup of fruit loops that C hadn't finished.  My mom started feeding them to lil' peanut.  I was having quite the conversation with myself inside my head.  "Oh geez, do I say something?  I should stop her.  There's only a few left, it's ok.  This is going to undo all the work we've done so far!"  It's very highly recommended that the parents be the only ones to meet the newly adopted child's needs in the beginning.  Feeding being one of those needs.  Just then he took the cup from my mom and brought it over to me.  She said "Oh, you're giving them to the person who's supposed to be doing this."  Smart boy. :)

Up until a couple of days ago, we hadn't really seen any intense grieving from our sweet boy.  I don't know if it was him finally coming off the adrenaline of our nomadic adventure and realizing this was a permanent situation or the pictures he looked at of our time with him at the agency and his foster mom.  But, it hit him hard the other day at naptime.  We laid down together and he finished his bottle before he was asleep.  After that he just could not settle into a good sleep.  He cried off and on and when he finally "woke up" he was inconsolable.  He didn't want to be held or touched or sung to.  He just sat in the middle of the bed and cried and cried.  He said her name, umma, several times in the midst of the tears.  He has said both umma and appa (father) many times but it's always been randomly while playing or babbling.  This was the first time that I knew he wanted her.  It was incredibly sad and heartbreaking and also, in a way, a relief.  He can't go on forever being brave.  He needs to grieve. 

Since that afternoon, we haven't seen any more tears like that.  But, we know that we might.  And he has full permission to grieve his losses how he sees fit.  What we have started to see are some good old fashioned toddler tantrums.  It's nice. :)  In the beginning I thought we might have some how ended up with one of those weird, nature-defying complacent kids.  Whew, glad we dodged that bullet. ;)  One of his reports said he was strong-willed, but he's yet to show me anything I haven't seen before.  His little fits are so far just that...little.  He can scream pretty good, but he's easily redirected.  When C was this age one major meltdown could go on and on, making the whole day miserable.

He really, really likes C!  And he is incredibly tolerant, which I'm so thankful for.  He laughs his way through being toted around the house and wrestling matches and in-his-face silliness.  He actually enjoys it all!  He's a fiesty little one though. ;)  Today while C was playing a video game every time he would stand up lil' peanut would sneak into C's chair.  (by the way, he has his own chair) Oh, and on the plane home, every time hubby would start to fall asleep, lil' peanut would see that his eyes were closed and smack his leg to wake him up.  Ha!

Here are a lots of pictures from our first week together!

This is a common sight in the back of our car.  This was on the way home from the airport.  He has absolutely no problem with his carseat...sat right in it that first time like he'd been doing it his whole life.  And C loves to make him laugh while we're on the road.

C was so excited to show his brother all around the house.

First morning together...watching cartoons.

Lil' peanut (like his big brother) loves to be outside, so we didn't wait too long to venture out to the park.

On our unexpected roadtrip to Gettysburg, PA.

One day during lil' peanut's nap C, hubby, and Papa ventured out to tour Gettysburg in style.

A few more things about our newest little man!

* The boy loves to eat!  His diet ranges from meyuk (seaweed soup) to pizza.  He will try anything we offer him and so far he has only spit out blueberries and lettuce.  He can seriously pack it away.  He is the last one done eating, and it's not because he's a slow eater!  Last night at dinner he had grilled chicken, sausage, peaches, cantaloupe, bread, mashed potatoes, rice, and a couple oreos for dessert!  It is so new to have a non-picky eater.  I love it!  We are still keeping a few of his favorite Korean goodies in rotation, but he hasn't had any problems adjusting to the food we usually eat.

* He usually falls asleep while drinking his bottle.  When he doesn't it takes him awhile to fall asleep.  The other night he was chewing on his bottle and poking himself in the eye with the nipple.  Ha!  He will kick his legs up and down and roll all around the place before settling down.  Tonight he was particularly wound up!  He flopped all over the place.  He babbled to himself and talked to his monkey.  He played this game with himself where he clapped his hands and then grabbed his cheeks and he would just laugh.  Then he started doing the sweetest thing.  He would roll until he was snuggled up next to me and pucker up his lips for a kiss.  Every time after I kissed him he would giggle and go back to crawling all over the bed.  It took him an hour before he finally passed out against me, but he must have given me fifty kisses!  Totally worth it!

* He already seems to understand some of what we are saying!  He started signing "more" before we even left Korea.  Now he tries to say the word along with the sign.  He is also doing signs for eat, all done and night-night.  The other morning he woke up, looked right at me, and signed "eat."  The boy loves his food! :)  He has repeated "hi" after me and today he said "no" to C.  Ha!  He learned it from C saying it to him. ;)  He understands the Korean that I use with him.  When I tell him it's time to sleep he gives me the biggest smile and hugs me.  That's new, a child who likes going to bed!  I use sheeduh (no) with him and he always responds to it and stops what he is doing.  He'll shake his head no too.  Now, if it is something he didn't want to stop we are in for a fit.  He will start waving his hands around and holler at us.  It sounds like he is chewing us out in Korean.  It's actually really funny.  Maybe I can get it on video.

* He often points at things and says the same thing each time.  Which Grace concluded is kiddy-speak for "what's that?"

 

* He loves music!  He will dance anytime he plays with a musical toy.  And he loves to be sung to.  In Korea I started singing the song from Barney to him.  Ha!  I changed it up a little bit to say "I love you, you love me, we're a brand new (instead of happy) family.  With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.  Won't you say you love me to."  I kiss him every time after I sing "kiss from me to you" and now he will lean in with his lips puckered up at the right part to get his kiss.  So sweet!  He also likes to play patty cake and the itsy bitsy spider.  He will do the motions to itsy bitsy spider now too!

* He continues to be very receptive to affection and seeks it out from us as well.  He will reach for C for hugs and to be picked up and carried around.  He is now giving me smiles whenever I come into a room or his line of sight and sometimes if he is across the room and I say his name and smile he will come running over to me for a hug. 

* He waves hi and bye-bye (whether we say it in Korean or English) and he gives high fives

* He loves to be outside.  His foster mom told us this.  He gets so happy when I get his shoes and tell him in Korean to sit down and "let's play".

* He is so expressive and makes the funniest little faces.  He loves to imitate and will mirror the faces that I make at him.  My favorites include his "oooh" face with his little lips puckered, when he tries raising his eyebrows up and down, and opening his mouth up as big as he can.

He is just a real joy!  Just writing this post feels a little bit surreal...he is HOME.  He is finally here with us.  So, so glad!