Forever a Family

After we woke up on Tuesday morning (I am still the early riser here in Korea!) we got ready and grabbed some breakfast downstairs.  We also went in to the flower shop they have here at the hotel because I wanted to give our sweet boy's foster mother some flowers.  I know it is nothing in comparison to our boy, but I just couldn't stand the fact of her going home with empty arms.  I wanted her to have something to hold onto.  They had a gorgeous arrangement of stargazer lilies and pink roses that was just perfect.

We took a taxi to the agency and when we arrived it was a much different scene than the day before when we had been the only ones there.  Many families were gathering for the meeting with the president of the agency, most of whom, like us, were receiving their child that day.  They had a video presentation about the history of the adoption agency and all the other work ESWS is doing for people in need here in Korea.  After that the president took some time to talk with all of us and then we were all invited to have lunch in the dining hall.  It was funny because she said "We have some traditional Korean food for you.  We have other food for the staff.  Very Korean, you cannot have it."  Most of us probably couldn't handle it I am guessing. :)  I took a little bit of everything but didn't even get to it all.  My nerves were building and we still had about 45 minutes before the time that practically everyone was going to receive their children.  We visited with some of the other families while we waited.

Around 1pm, we went downstairs into one of the playrooms with our lil' peanut and his foster mom.

Giving high fives! 

His foster mom took out all the food she had packed to show us and he wanted into it right then. ;)  She has said he loves to eat.  The first little rice ball he picked up he popped right into my mouth.  So sweet.  (Not the rice ball, the sharing) ;)  He could've offered me a tiny, baby octopus and there was still no way I would have turned it down.  I'm very glad it was just a rice ball though.

 Sarangheyo!  I love you in Korean.

Seeing them together was just so bittersweet.  She loves him so much and for that I am truly thankful.  There is no doubt in my mind that he has been loved and adored while in her care.  But, my heart was just breaking for them and the sadness that I knew they were about to have to go through.

After about ten minutes, his foster mom excused herself and left us alone.  Probably to give us some time with our boy.  But, I wanted her to come back.  I didn't want her to miss any of her last moments with him.

He played happily with us for about twenty more minutes.  I only had to chase him out the door two times and bring him back. :)

I mentioned earlier that it was a very busy day at the agency.  Lots of families there to meet their children for the first time and many to bring them home.  So, after about half an hour in that first playroom our social worker moved us into a tiny little meeting room so another family could use the playroom.  Most of the space in this room was taken up by a table and there were only two toys in the whole room, but we still managed ok. 

 Crushing some seaweed!

His foster mom was in and out during our time in this room.  So was lil' peanut.  He really liked running through the rows of desks where all the social workers were.  At one point he discovered two little packages of m&m's and he desperately wanted them.  It was fun to imagine what they were saying back and forth to each other.  She was probably telling him they weren't for him.  He even did a little gesture pointing to his tummy.  It was too cute.  Like, "they are for me...put them in my tummy!"

The reason we had been waiting all this time was for the president to finish up in a meeting so she could pray over the new families.  I know she always does this, but I guess I was thinking it would be something done with each individual family and then following that you would say goodbye.  This was not the case.  (which I think it should be.  I feel like every foster mother deserves their own goodbye, but talking with hubby about it, we thought maybe they do it this way inentionally so that the foster mother's will not be alone afterwards, they will have each other)  Everyone gathered together.  Probably 5 or 6 families I think and the president prayed.  Keonwoo's foster mom held him and I wrapped my arm around her and held on tight.  The tears were flowing all around the room.  Those who have done this before know it is heartwrenching.  Then after just a few short minutes our social worker said "it's time to go."  I knew the goodbye would be quick like this, but again I didn't know we would all be doing it in the same room at the same time.  I hugged my son's foster mom looked her in the eyes and thanked her for everything she had done for our boy.  Then I took my son from her and walked out the door.  We were ushered into the middle row of a van which already held one couple and their incredibly upset child.  Another couple got in the front row after us.  She waited until the door was shut and we drove off.  Saying goodbye over and over again and waving to him, tears streaming down her face.  It is still so raw and I don't have the words...I felt like, in that moment, I was witnessing this woman's heart break.  It is something I will never forget.

He was quiet the whole time in the van.  He watched out the window, ate a couple snacks, and interacted a bit with the child in front of us.  When we got back to the hotel room he was incredibly playful.  He was having the best time, full of lots of smiles and laughs and energy.  His behavior could almost be described as manic.  Every once in awhile he would stop and look forlorn for just a few seconds and then jump back into play.  I wonder how much of that was him just trying to keep his mind off what had just happened.

He loved the bubbles!  I'm so glad I packed them because they were a huge hit.

Once he saw the view, he was ready to go outside.  He found his little backpack that he always wore when out with his foster mom and put it on.  Then he brought me his shoes.  I was hesitant to take him outside because I knew he might think we were taking him back.  But, we obviously don't plan to stay indoors forever so we decided that the present was as good a time as any.

When we got back in he had some dinner that his foster mom had packed.  He then ate little bits of our sandwiches and some cookie. 

I gave him a bath that ended pretty quickly.  He didn't care for having his hair washed.  I'm sure it doesn't help that I don't know how he likes to have that done.  I know C is very particular about the way he gets his hair washed, so I don't blame our little peanut for not appreciating my attempt.

We played for a little while longer and then around 8pm decided to attempt bedtime.  His normal bedtime isn't until 10pm we were told, but he was acting sleepy so I made him a bottle and got in the bed with him.  He sat up while he drank the bottle, laid down and went to sleep.  He was no longer sleeping with his foster mom, but on his own.  I am sure that played a part in how easily he went down.  I know that a lot of the kids are fine during the day, but night time is when they grieve the hardest.

Hubby and I were talking earlier about whether or not we think our little guy has even started to grieve.  Everything is going a million times better than we expected, so we are sordof waiting for it all to come crashing down.  He maybe doesn't realize this is a permanent change yet and is still expecting to go back.  I don't know.  Yesterday after we played so hard when it got closer to night time he started to go back and forth between the two of us.  He would want to be picked up and then immediately set back down.  Then he would go to the other person and do the same thing.  Back and forth, back and forth.  It was like he wanted comfort, but neither of us were the ones he wanted it from.  He did push my hand away several times while rubbing his back.  And in the middle of the night he woke up and seemed scared and confused about where he was.  He didn't cry.  He would let me hold him for a minute and then he would sit back up in bed with his back turned toward me.  Eventually he did let me keep rubbing his back until he started to fall asleep sitting up.  I was able to lay him down and he then slept until after 8am this morning.  His schedule said he normally rises much earlier than that.  One of the ways grief can play out is by oversleeping, so he might have a little of that going on.

Today he has been quite a bit more reserved in his play but has still been very receptive to affection.  He has sought me out for comfort from ouchies several times and comes over to be held.  At the playground when he needs help getting up stairs he will stop at the bottom and look for one of us to come and help him.  I put him in the ergo for our walk down to the playground and he seemed to enjoy riding in it.  I'm glad for that.  His foster mom mostly used a stroller when they were out and about, so I wondered how he would take to being carried.  So far so good on that though.

So far he has eaten everything we've offered him.  Wow, this will be a fun change to have a child who is not a picky eater. ;)  That first evening he snacked on his seaweed sheets (keem) had some rice balls and grapes for dinner as well as the stuff we shared with him from Subway.  This morning he had some of my strawberry muffin, banana, and some puffs.  For lunch he had a ton of grapes, a few rice balls, some roll and some french fries.  He is drinking soy milk that his foster mom sent with us, formula in his bottles, and a ton of water!  This kid is well hydrated!!!  I think we will need to get some more diapers for the flight home.  He loves his water. 

After lunch I made him a bottle and got in bed with him to see if he would go down for his nap.  He let me hold him and help him hold his bottle and he fell asleep in my arms while drinking his bottle. 

Like I said, everything is going remarkably well right now.  We know that could change at any time though.  One blog I read her child shut down as soon as they were on their connecting flight home, after their familiar language was no longer being spoken by anyone. 

I don't discount the power of prayer though and believe that the Lord has had His hand on us.

I just love this little boy so much already.  It is such a joy to begin to learn what makes him laugh, his favorite foods, how he likes to be held, the best way to induce a tantrum (so far that has been not being fast enough on the drink refills)

He has the fattest little feet.  And a tiny little freckle right outside his left armpit.  He likes to play hide and seek, dance, and make silly faces.  He loves to clap for himself when he does something he is proud of.  This extends to us as well (he clapped for me today when I put his shoes on.)  His armpits and inner thighs are the most ticklish spots I've found so far.  If his hair is a tiny bit wet when he goes to bed it will be crazy in the morning!  I can't always tell the difference between a squeel of delight and one of anger.  He has the most beautiful brown eyes that are the best window into his emotions. His eyes have not been smiling every time that he is.  They are sometimes sad and scared.  He still toddles a bit when he walks, which is so incredibly cute.  He swings one arm back and forth when he gets to running fast.  He is napping right now, and just like my first born, his sleeping face is one of the sweetest sights. 

We skyped with C today and both the boys were quite intrigued by one another.  I cannot wait to have my whole little family together and start to settle in at home. 

Our flight home leaves tomorrow morning at 10:30.  We will probably be leaving our hotel around 5am to give us plenty of time.  It will be a long morning followed by a looooong flight. ;)  Oh, how sweet it will be though to wrap C up in a big hug at the end of it and finally introduce my two boys.