March for Babies 2013

Today was our March for Babies walk.  The weather was perfect and my ankle survived the 4 miles!  Can't ask for more than that. ;)  C and lil' peanut were troopers!  I made sure to tell C tonight at bedtime that I was so proud and thankful for his good behavior during the walk. 

 

We raised $3,010 this year!!!  This was our 5th year involved with the March for Babies and that is our HIGHEST total yet!  Our faithful group of friends and family was joined by many new donors this year.  That was exciting to see happen. 

 

The past four years my sister has made the trip to walk with me.  On top of that, she brings in an insane amount of donations!  I'm so thankful for all her support.  Love my big sister!  I will miss being able to walk with her next year. 

 

Pictures of the big day...Team Walking for Wesley!

Showing off our top walker shirts.  Hubby gave us each a hard time when we came down the stairs this morning.  "Oh, oh!  Look out everybody.  There's a top walker in the house!"  He's just jealous.

 

The dance warm-up is always a fun part of the morning...

C walked away from his father after those moves started.  He was clearly embarrassed.

 

Lil' peanut remained unimpressed.  Ha!

Me and my boys!  Love these little munchkins.

 

Face painting...a hit again this year.

 

B went with Spiderman for the second year in a row, while C tried something different...Dracula.  Apparently there was blood in the picture in the book.  He was quite disappointed to discover that she had left it off.

 

 



 

Memory mile...

 

 

 

If you are reading this and you made a donation this year, thank you!  The walk always comes on the heels of Wesley's birthday and it always lifts my spirits to see those donations come in.  It's humbling to see so many people come alongside us as we honor Wesley's memory.  Again, thank you. 

 

Team Walking for Wesley may be separated by 1,300 miles next year, but we won't let that stop us!  March for Babies 2014...we'll be ready!

Big Brothers

 

 

 

A blessing

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully  made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

- Psalm 139:13-16

 

Truly cherishing each day I am blessed to carry this little one.

Becoming brothers

This morning hubby came in the bedroom after checking on the boys and asked if I'd seen their pirate game before.  They were in C's room together, each inside a bucket with a stuffed animal by their side, sword fighting.  "Nope, that's a new one."  As I sat on the bed putting my shoes on I listened to their giggles coming from the other room.  "I didn't think that would ever happen."  "What?"  "The two of them, actually playing together."  "Really?  You thought it would never happen?"  I thought about it for a second.  "Yeah, I really did.  Those first few months home, I honestly thought it would never happen."  

Hubby wasn't here for the worst of it. For the rocking of two little boys' worlds. Hey guess what you two...this is your new reality. Neither of them happy about it. At all.  He doesn't remember how heartbreaking it was to watch.  Because he didn't see it.  He got home just as little hearts were starting down their road to healing.  He doesn't have those sad memories from that time in our lives.  I do.  But, I have something else.  A deep and profound appreciation for the sound of shared laughter bubbling down the hallway.  These moments that maybe seem routine to him still surprise and delight me. 

We are fast approaching the one year mark of being a family of four.  And the dust is settling.  Out of it is emerging a real, genuine relationship between my two boys.  How they have both grown and gone beyond their comfort zones these past 10 months.  Discovering that there is actual joy to be found in being, and having, a brother.  Little moments like when lil' peanut gets hurt and runs straight for C to bury his head in his lap.  I marvel at how his trust has grown and that he has chosen to let his big brother in.  And when C takes lil' peanut's hand and helps him toddle up the stairs to the big slide at the zoo.  Making sure no one passes them because it's his brother's turn.  And when they emerge at the bottom, both laughing, C tells me "He was just a little bit shorter, just barely, so I went down with him, so he'd be safe."  Man, my heart swells.





March for Babies almost here!

March for Babies 2013 is almost here!  It's just about a week away and our little two person team is just $405 away from our fundraising goal of $3,000.  I know I have a very small readership...number of readers...readership?  Is that the right word?  Anyway, if you're family you've probably already donated and I THANK YOU!!!  If you haven't, would you take a minute and click here to check out my fundraising page ?  The March of Dimes does work that is very near to my heart and I would appreciate even the smallest of donations to help us reach our goal. 

:)

More park pics

My little daredevil

I think freaking out his mama is his new favorite thing to do at the playground.  Crazy kid!

What happened to Spring?

We basically went from winter coats to shorts and t-shirts overnight here!  It was in the 90's today.  Craziness!  I do hate the cold, but I'm glad to see our forecast will settle into the 60's here in the next few days.  That is Spring weather.  I'd like to enjoy the seasons while I can since TX basically only has two.  Hot and hotter. ;)

 



He was doing a stunt on the slide and it got a little out of hand.  Ha!  I love his surprised expression that I caught on camera.  When he stood up he smiled at me like "Whew, I'm ok.  Did you see that?!"

They had the best time swinging. 

 

Love these two!

Four Years

I literally could not pull myself up from the spot on the floor where I sat.  Allowing myself to think of all the ways my life would be different had things gone the way they were supposed to...the way I wanted them to.  My grief compounded this year by those brown eyes that watched me curiously.  Forcing me to wonder if these two children of mine could have coexisted.  Is the presence of this one reliant on the absence of the other?  Is William here only because Wesley is not?  And what if Wesley had lived?  Would I never have gazed into those beautiful brown eyes? 

 

My mind wasn't able to make sense of all my questions as I sat there on the floor.  Tracing his perfect spine in ultrasound photos.  Reading each card given to us after his passing.  Weeping over empty pages.  Coming home...My firsts...School days...

 



Every year on March 12th, I do this to myself. I rip off the bandaid that sits over my heart. This sort of dam that has thickened with time. Helping to hold the raw, sharp, stabbing, I can't breathe pain at bay. The bandaid that, four years later, I do occasionally forget is there. As it's just a dull ache on most days. But, on days like March 12th, I want to remember. I want to remember how awful it was at the end. I want to rage over the unfairness of it. I want to ask all my questions again, knowing they'll go unanswered. 

I want to cry. Because three people remembered this year. Three. Something that always gets to me, especially when I pull down his baby book and it bulges with cards from well wishers sent upon his death.  What a stark contrast to the three text messages I received this year.

I want to cry because six year olds shouldn't be wondering things like whether or not their little brother will recognize them when they get to heaven. Or if he is aging there the same way we are aging here.

Mostly I want to cry because I am still sad. And because like taking a band aid off a cut and allowing air to reach it helps with healing...I think my tears have healing powers. Each time they are shed for him, they wash away traces of regret, anger and bitterness that still remain.

Later that day I sat across from my husband and told him that the timing of our adoption would not have been the same, so there's really no way we would have ended up with the same child. "How do you know?" he asked me. "How do you know we still wouldn't have started the process when we did? That it wouldn't have gone the same way? That William wouldn't be ours?" "I don't." Perhaps the children that our meant to be ours will always find their way into our lives. 

I am deeply grateful for the ones I have here to hold.  Hold them tightly I will.

Go here to donate to the March for Babies.  Helping to fund the mission of the March for Dimes...to prevent birth defects, prematurity, and infant mortality.