Yesterday we finalized our adoption! Yay! Just when you think the paperwork is done, now comes filing for a birth certificate, passport, social security number, certificate of citizenship....one of these days we'll be done with the paperwork.
Heading to the courthouse
I will say that finalizing was a little bittersweet for me. It made me sad to think that he was losing his Korean citizenship. Even though he was gaining American citizenship. And although we will continue to use Keonwoo, he also technically "lost" that name as well. We thought about keeping it, but felt that 4 names was a lot. But, the biggest deciding factor in naming him was the way in which we chose first and middle names for our other two boys. We wanted to name lil' peanut in the same way. It felt right for us. I don't know...I was just sad for him again. At all the losses he has had in his life. His first family, his foster family, his culture, his language...I felt like this was the last little bit of "Korean-ness" that he had left. I still wish we lived in a world where adoption wasn't necessary. But, there were circumstances that led to the need for this baby to find a forever family, other than the one he was born into. And I am incredibly grateful that he belongs to us.
Riding the trolley from the parking garage to the courthouse!
Thanks to his cop days, hubby is no stranger to a courtroom. However, this was my first time to ever be in a courtroom. I've only ever seen them on tv. Ha! Not only was it my first time to ever step foot inside a courtroom. It also ended up being my first time to testify in court! I did not have to go up to the bench, but I did stand and get sworn in. Then our attorney asked me a bunch of questions...my address, child's birth date, has he resided with me for the past 6 months, do I have any other children, their names and ages, give a brief explanation of how we came to adopt this child, do I understand that adoption is meant to be forever (that was actually my favorite question!)...YES! I was a little bit flustered by the whole thing but hubby said I did a good job. He also said just imagine how nervous you would be if you were being cross examined and they were trying to trip you up!
As soon as we walked out of the courtroom our attorney said that we had one of the most serious judges. Normally it's a hi/how are you kind of thing. Judge signs the papers, you take your pictures, and you're done. We got to experience all the formality of court. ;) While we were waiting in the courtroom for the judge to enter I kept lil' peanut happy with fruit snacks. As soon as the judge entered I could tell he meant business. Ha! And was happy that the fruit snacks were gone by then since I didn't think he would appreciate us snacking in his courtroom. So, a few minutes later when lil' peanut rifled through my purse and found the tootsie pop I'd stashed away for an emergency I thought we were in big trouble. Oh no, here comes an epic meltdown...I whispered that he could have it later and tried to put it back. He pulled it back out and ripped the wrapper off. I snatched it back and shoved it out of sight, deep down in my purse. "Hey!" "Heeeey!" He hollered while he searched for the missing sucker. Right about that time I was called on to testify so he was distracted when I stood up. While I'm sure having him throw one of his big fits where he whacks his head on the floor while screaming would have made for a good story later....I'm glad it didn't happen. ;)
We're on the docket!
Waiting outside the courtroom.
I loved that we finalized on December 28th because it was exactly six months after we brought him home on June 28th. Looking back at the update I wrote at 5 months home I can see how greatly things have improved in just one short month. Our family dynamic (really the dynamic between lil' peanut and myself...since that's the relationship that was being put to the test!) has come light years in the last month. I can't remember the last time he hit me. It was a really regular thing there for awhile and now he's rarely aggressive. He spends a lot less time in the pac-n-play these days. He wants to be held more. Just the other day he wanted up while I was sitting at the kitchen counter and he sat on my lap for a good 20 minutes. He would pop his head up every once in awhile and I'd ask if he wanted down. "No," he'd say in his cute little voice. Then I'd tap my chest and ask if he wanted to snuggle. And he'd lay his head back down. It was very sweet. And a much different picture from what our mornings used to look like.
Waiting for the judge to arrive.
Around the time I wrote our five month update, we started putting him down for naps and bedtime without a bottle. He hadn't been falling asleep while drinking in a long time, so I knew he didn't rely on it for that anymore. At the same time, I started initiating "bottle time" during the day. Where we could cuddle on the couch in broad daylight and I could talk to him, he could babble back to me, and I could, as hubby likes to call it, write some checks to the attachment fund. ;) When we gave bottles at nap/bedtime there wasn't a lot of interaction since we were trying to get him to go to sleep not play. So, I knew bottles during the day would provide a lot more opportunity for bonding. And I was right. I think bottle time has been a big contributing factor in how much our relationship has changed. Now if he gets really upset he will come to me and ask for a bottle. I know before he was still rejecting me...possibly still keeping that mother role reserved for his foster mom. But, lately it feels like he is really embracing me as his mom. In the past week or so he's been consistently calling me mama. It used to be umma sometimes, but he would call a few other random things umma as well (like himself and pumpkins!) so I'm not sure if he meant it that way or it was just a word that he knew so he used it for me. And actually, when we were going through our big rough patch when we looked at family pictures it would go like this...Point to hubby "Dada." Point to C. "Kuh-kuh" Point to himself "Oooo" (he thinks his name is you. Haha!) Point to myself "No" accompanied by vigorous shaking of his head and getting down of my lap. Now when he sees a picture of me he says "mama."
I love lil' peanut looking up at his big brother and smiling in this picture.
Six months and it seems we are all feeling quite settled. These two are growing in their relationship everyday. Exhibiting more typical sibling behavior, ie love/hate relationship. Playing more together. Just really so much better than I thought it would be after we first brought lil' peanut home. Maybe one day I will share in more detail about just how hard it was...hard enough that I just want to burst into tears when I see a picture like this. Because I honestly wondered if we'd ever get here.
Lil' peanut is silly and loud. His squeals can be heard throughout the day. His newest thing is pretending to toot on everybody. Quite the sense of humor for a two year old, wouldn't you say? Probably helps to have a big brother teaching you. He will back his little booty up to something, make a toot sound, and then exclaim "Stinky!" He didn't show off this new skill in the courtroom, but he did do it to our attorney afterwards when he was shaking all of our hands.
He gets excited about the littlest things. Like this morning, when I came downstairs and he was eating breakfast and he was so happy to see me. Saying "hi mama" over and over and then telling me he had milk in his cup. He was thrilled that he had milk. It was like he was surprised that hubby even gave it to him. ;) He still loves his trains and cars but has been doing more wrestling and chasing with C lately during the day.
He has been sleeping great. For naps I read him a few books and then put him in bed with his stuffed animals and another book. He babbles anywhere from 5-30 minutes and then he's out. I'm not really sure what happens at bedtime because hubby's been in charge of that. I think it's pretty much the same thing though. ;) The last time I put him to bed at night things did not go well. He got really upset after I left and it took a long time to get him calmed back down. That's happened a few other times, so we've just decided that it's best if Daddy does bedtimes. I've actually been pretty happy with that because that means I get C at bedtime. I am with lil' peanut all day so it's nice to have that time devoted just to my big kid. I love laying in bed with him and reading books.
I am so grateful for both of my boys! And the incredibly special and miraculous ways they each came into my life. Six months...onto forever!
