Happy 2nd Birthday Wesley!

I said once after losing Wesley that it "shattered my faith."  It's true.  It very literally ripped apart everything I had believed.  When I was ready to start putting it back together, I didn't want it all back.  Maybe I never will.  But, the pieces I decided to pick back up...I think they're the ones that matter. 

And now, two years later, here's what I know to be true.

God is God.

Profound, isn't it?

And neither my lot in life or the way I feel about it will have any affect on that.

God is still God.

Faith is about making the right choice, not about having the right feelings

God is God.

Regardless of how I feel about Him.

God is still God.

God is God.

And nothing can erase what He did for me on that cross.

God is still God.

I also said once that

'Choosing to follow Christ after He has chosen not to grant you your miracle....is often a much greater miracle.' 

True story.

That girl, the one with the shattered faith.

The one with the bitterness in her heart.

The one who found it hard to give love to her God, her family, her friends...

...that girl wouldn't even recognize me now.

Because today, I'm different. 

I still got choked up when I explained to C that his baby brother was turning two, but he was having his party in heaven so we should send his balloons up to the sky.  And you better believe there were tears as I thought about everything that I'm missing while we sang happy birthday.  But, this year...this year I smiled.  Even laughed.  Instead of longing over what my life should have been...I celebrated what Wesley's life was.  Because somewhere along the way...I decided that I wanted to let God be glorified through my situation.

I think it's working.

On Wesley's first birthday, after releasing his birthday balloon, I wrote this, "I couldn't see the sun.

But, still, I knew it was there, and that one day, soon, I will feel it's warmth again."

Baby, the sun is shining.

Keeping busy

Busy boy...

Me too...look what I did...

The things he says...

Me:  You know I love you.
C:  I love you too.
Me:  A lot.
C:  I love you a lot too.  A million inches.

"Honey, could you quiet down."

C:  My grandma was a cheetah and my grandpa was a tiger just like me.  And I like pancakes.  My grandparents used to let me have them.  When I was two years old they did.  And then they died.
Me:  Did that make you sad?
C:  No, cuz I will still kill people.
raising my eyebrows
C:  No, no I didn't mean good people.  I'm just talking about killing bad people.

"Honey, could you give our kids a bath?  They stink!"

This conversation occurred during my sister's last visit while she was changing my nephew's diaper...oh, you already know where this is headed don't you...
C:  He's got a little penis.
Me:  Well, he's a little person. 
C:  When he's a big boy like me he'll have a long skinny penis just like me.

"Where's princess peach?  She's my best girl.  She came to my birthday."

Me:  C, I'm really glad you're my son.  I love you.
C:  (fake burp)
Me: C, that wasn't very nice.
C:  Sorry Mommy.  Do you forgive me?
Me:  Yes I do.
C:  (real fart)

C:  I'm so disappointed with my brother (FYI he's had a "brother" for several months now.  Usually he's doing things C isn't allowed to do, his name is Chris, and he's almost always nine years old.)
Me:  You are?  Why?
C:  Because he keeps putting poop all over his food.
Me:  Oh, that's disgusting.
C:  Yeah, and then he eats it!
Me:  Yuck.  How are you going to get him to stop?
C:  Maybe by punchin' him or kickin' him or somethin'.

Since he does often speak of his "brother" after we received our referral I had to explain to him that now he actually has a brother.  So, he needs to be careful what he says because people will think he's talking about his real brother and not Chris.  He took it to heart because lately he's been adding a disclaimer...
C:  Can you just do what my brother says?  Talkin' 'bout Chris, not the baby.

C:  But, I really want Grace to be my mom.
Me:  Well, I think Miss Grace is pretty busy with the two kids she already has.  Besides, you're my kid and I love you way too much to ever give you to someone else.
C:  If you were a kid and I was a grown up I would give you away to somebody else because you're stinky.

A day with friends

Sunday we spent the whole day with our best (and maybe only) friends here.  But, you know, we started the day off at 8 with the early service at church and we didn't part ways until after dinner that night.  So, they may be the only ones, but they're keepers for sure.  And that's saying something to be able to spend that much time together and not want to start screaming at eachother and throwing punches.  Ok, really, it's saying something for our kids to spend that much time together and not want to start screaming at eachother and throwing punches.  ;)  We went to a little children's museum in Bethesda and of course, you cannot go to Bethesda without getting a Georgetown cupcake!  We drug our children through pouring rain to get to them.  Ha!  And they were oh, so worth it.  Here are some pictures from the museum.

He probably would've played with this little pulley system the entire time, but it was busy and I told him we should let some other kids have a turn too.

I love this picture.  Aren't they sweet?!

Painting his little birdhouse.

Do you see his tongue sticking out?  He does that any time he is really concentrating...painting, coloring, writing.  Funny.

And today we found a place out back for his little bird house.  Now we'll see if one, any birds can even fit in there!  And two, if the ones that are small enough decide to make it their home. :)

Embracing it

Last week was filled with little joys.  Great weather, picnics, playgrounds, impromptu playdates with friends, zoos and aqauriums!  And really good attitudes...from both C and myself. ;)  It is easy as a mom to get frustrated, overwhelmed, burnt out...even when you have a partner around to share the load.  I've been making a consiece effort to stay away from the 'woe is me' attitude lately.  Yes my husband is away right now, yes four is a challenging age...but you know what?  It's not more challenging than those sleepless newborn days or more challenging than I'm sure the teenage years will be.  Such is motherhood.  The challenges change as your child changes...but they will always be there.  So, last week I made every effort to embrace this little boy's childhood, challenges and all.  And it played out in lots of time together...fun field trips and outings and, more importantly, I did a better job cherishing our time together at home too.  With every board game played, every picture colored, and every "one more book" at bedtime that I gave him...I felt good.  Accomplished, fulfilled, happy.  And happy mama, makes for a happy boy.  I like it.

I've never really had a mantra, but I find that a voice in my head has been repeating the same phrase over and over lately.  "The days are long, but they're all you get."  And it makes me a little bit sad, but mostly it just makes me want to be a better mama.

Spring, is that you?

It is still February, so it might be a little early to start celebrating...but we did not miss our chance to embrace the beautiful spring weather we had on Sunday.  I can't even express how I love spring.  I seriously think I have seasonal depression and spring is like fresh air (literally) for my soul!  How I have missed afternoons spent chalking beautiful pictures on sidewalk canvases.

 We played on our little swing set and walked (well, raced...C has been playing Mario Cart lately on the Wii and simply everything must be turned into a race in which I am not only a race car, but also the announcer...and heaven forbid I don't narrate all that is happening while I'm sprinting back from the mail box with bills in my hand) down to the new playground in our neighborhood.  So, so excited to have a great little park right down the block!

 And what fantastic surprise did we spy?

 I think Papa's hard work is going to pay off!  I was so stinkin' excited to see my sweet little tulip buds poking through the surface of the ground.  Way more excited than the four year old.  So, what is that, like three year old excitement?  I was three year old excited baby!

Bring on Spring!

KS Trip-2,3,4,5 & 6

I was going to break down our trip into several posts, but sometimes I'm lazy.  So, a picture-laden post with a few words is what I give you.

At cousin C's birthday party.  Grandma and Grandpa were nice enough to have something for C to open too.  The Batman umbrella, with all it's sharp points of death, was great fun in a crowded living room.  ;)  Truly a great gift though.  And one of the few Batman items that he does not own.

                                              

My sweet niece showing off the new tutu I got for her!

C got to have more fun on the sled!

My annual 'snow time card' was pretty much full, so Grandma was more than happy to go out with C.

We happened to be in town for some of C's old friends' birthday party!  (Whose mamas happen to be my friends!)  We all had a great time catching up.

Do you remember this little beauty?  That's ok, I don't think C did at first. ;)  But, they soon rekindled their relationship.  Betrothal back on!

An evening at my parents' house.  My brother found some left over fireworks in their garage and decided to give the kids a show!

Sweet little one who made me an aunt for the first time.

A day at Zonker's!  C loved it.  My dad looks a little scared in this picture (but I think he had fun too)

By the end of the day, he was brave enough to ride everything by himself...including the roller coaster!

After Zonker's, C got to play mini golf with Grandpa while I enjoyed a pedicures with Grandma!

B stayed home from daycare one day so we could take both the kids to Wonderscope museum.  Fun!

The seating situation on the way to dinner! 

A little cramped for Papa, but both of the kids loved getting to sit by him.

Mild weather made for a great trip to the zoo with Grandma and Grandpa.

The polar bear was very fun!  (And new to the zoo since we moved, so it was our first time to see him)

Celebrating Papa's birthday!

My brother and hubby racing to light the million candles!  Ok, not that many.  But, my mom insisted on having one for each year and then we lost count of how many the kids had put on, so we just used them all.

C occasionally asks for a bowl of water to drink from when he's pretending to be a tiger at home.  He did it at Nana and Papa's house and B just had to try it too.